


Mixed Media

by parsnips (trifles)



Series: The Anderson Boys [1]
Category: Glee, White Collar, White Collar RPF
Genre: Actors, Arguing, Characters Are in Fandom, Characters Interact with Fandom, Characters React to Fandom, Characters Reading Fanfic, Characters Writing Fanfic, Crack Crossover, Fic within a Fic, M/M, Meta, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sibling Rivalry, Siblings, Texting, Universe Within a Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-10 00:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trifles/pseuds/parsnips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"USA Network to Premiere Newest Original Series 'WHITE COLLAR' Friday, October 23 at 10/9c" </p><p>Blaine's life gets only gets weirder from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mixed Media

**Author's Note:**

> As always, much love to my perpetual bad-idea bears scienceandhandcuffs and symbolicsodomy, who see all my early drafts and encourage me beyond the point of reason. Special thanks to nadiacreek, who saw this halfway through, poked me for the rest of it, and then kindly beta'd the whole mess -- any errors left are entirely my own fault, and are probably the result of my willfully ignoring her good advice.

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

i need a stage name

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

why?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

future audiences might confuse me with other television personalities

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

it's good to see you thinking ahead?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

this is ALL practicality, little brother........... because i got it!!!

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you got what?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

NYC HERE I COME

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you got a part?!

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

next time u see me, I'll be ~~~criminally handsome

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

what do you

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

a con ~~~artist

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

wait

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

committing ~~~sexy crime

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

Coop stop using tildas to express emotion they are not the "pointing" of texting

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

~~~~~~yes they are

 

* * *

 

**USA Network to Premiere Newest Original Series 'WHITE COLLAR' Friday, October 23 at 10/9c**

_Series starring Tim DeKay, Tiffani Thiessen, Willie Garson, and Matt Bomer Starts Production in New York on Monday, August 10_

PASADENA, Calif., Aug. 5 /PRNewswire/ -- USA Network announces today the premiere of the network's next new original series, **WHITE COLLAR** , starring Tim DeKay ("Tell Me You Love Me," "Carnivale"), Tiffani Thiessen ("What About Brian," "Fastlane"), Willie Garson ("Sex and the City," "John from Cincinnati"), and relative newcomer Matt Bomer ("FreeCreditRatingToday.Com" commercials). On Friday, October 23 at 10/9c, **WHITE COLLAR** will debut with a special 90-minute episode followed by 13 one-hour episodes. The announcement was made by Jeff Wachtel, president, original programming, USA Network and co-head, original content, Universal Cable Productions.

" **WHITE COLLAR** is a fresh and fun take on the classic buddy formula, pairing a career criminal with a career federal agent," said Wachtel. "The series will offer viewers a distinct voice and style, inspired storytelling and memorable characters."

The new series commences production on Monday, August 10, where it will be shot entirely on location in and around New York City.

 

* * *

 

**From: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com**  
**To: b_anderson@gmail.com**  
**Attachment: USA_White_Collar_press_release.pdf**

check it out!

 

**From: b_anderson@gmail.com  
To: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com**

Bomer? You went with Matt *Bomer*? Are you *five*?

 

**From: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com  
To: b_anderson@gmail.com**

they don't let you do full day shoots when you're five, Blaine, that would be ~illegal.

 

* * *

 

"So what you're telling me," Kurt says slowly, "is that instead of catching thirty-second glimpses of your incredibly handsome brother at random, unforeseen times... in the near future I'll get to watch him on a weekly, scheduled basis for an entire hour. While he _solves crime._ "

Blaine slides down his choir room chair and crosses his arms. "He's not that handsome. And it's not just him, it's an ensemble cast. He's probably not even that important a character."

Kurt just nods, eyes wide. "Mm-hm. Yes. Does he sing? Will there be singing."

His parents had said this wouldn't suck more than Coop showing up in ads, but clearly that had been an enormous lie. "I have no idea," Blaine says, and tries not to fantasize Coop losing all his hair and his epic jaw line in a tragic filming accident.

Kurt pauses, then leans forward and tilts his cheek against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine can't help but look down; Kurt's eyes are hooded and, for the moment anyway, not glazed over from thinking about Coop. "He's no Blaine Warbler," Kurt murmurs into Blaine's sweater. Blaine lets out a long breath, relaxing all at once. Kurt pulls back. "We have to watch it together, though. I will need to be reminded regularly of what a lug he is in real life."

"Deal," Blaine says, and can't help smiling.

In his head, imaginary-Coop gets to keep his hair.

 

* * *

 

"Blaine! Blaine. I can't even. They feed us bagels! Every day!"

"And hello to you too, Mr. Hollywood. Is everything okay?"

"Bagels, and I get to wear hats. Serious actors wear hats, Blaine. I am so serious, so deep in this. I _feel_ like a criminal, that's how organic this is to me."

"Coop, why are you calling me? You never call me. What happened? Did they fire you?"

"What? No! I'm telling you, they _understand my talent_ here. I just wanted to let you know that I'm learning a lot of stuff from Tim, Tim DeKay, maybe you've heard of him, we're friends now, but I'm going to add a little something to my character, a little dash of _you_ in there, and I think it's going to play really well, just really amazing."

"Wait, what kind of--"

"Gay! I'm going to play Neal as super gay. He has a girlfriend, but whatever, that's not the _depth_ of the character, that's not his _emotional journey._ "

"Oh my god."

"I'm pretty sure Tim'll go for it. He's a professional. He knows about pointing."

"I'm hanging up now."

"I've gotta go, too, the bagels are almost gone, _namaste!"_

 

* * *

 

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

when u do puppy eyes at Kurt, do u stick out your lip at all, or do u go for something more subtle? also: winking?

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

I am not your gay prompter. don't you have acting to do?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

I'm ~recharging. I need ~life to breathe into my ~art.

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

>:(

 

* * *

 

**From: b_anderson@gmail.com  
To: kurt1994@gmail.com**

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n6en29dxgc

 

**From: kurt1994@gmail.com  
To: b_anderson@gmail.com**

*____*

...Why is his name Bomer?

 

* * *

 

 _JustJared.com:_ **Matt Bomer: White Collar Hunk**

 **Matt Bomer** is the hunky star of USA Network’s hit new TV show _White Collar_. In the series, sophisticated con artist Neal Caffrey ( **Bomer** ) teams with straitlaced FBI guy Peter Burke ( **Tim DeKay** ) to solve crimes.

 **Bomer** , an Ohio-native, has small screen credits as the frontman of the popular series of commercials for FreeCreditRatingToday.com, but _White Collar_ may prove his big break into more big-screen material.

Tune in tonight for the second episode of _White Collar_ @ 10PM ET/PT on USA Network.

 

* * *

 

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

Your brother brings a subtle mystery to the role of confidence man and artist.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

Also his teeth are very white.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

If I download the episodes and take screen captures of Cooper in his hats, would that be considered illegal or at most just morally questionable?

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

tell me you're getting these messages too

**Blaine Anderson > Kurt Hummel:**

what do I even say?

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

I've put together a collage of my current efforts. I call it "Artist (Underneath)". I understand that using parentheses heightens the emotional content of titles in fan-created works.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

You could send it to your brother. If you want. I wouldn't presume. If you do, though, be sure to tell him that it should be considered a tribute to his immense talent. I've emailed it to you.

**Blaine Anderson > Kurt Hummel:**

omg

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

COURAGE

 

* * *

 

**From: b_anderson@gmail.com**  
**To: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com**  
**Attachment: Artist~Underneath.gif**

your fans are disturbing

 

**From: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com  
To: b_anderson@yahoo.com**

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL how did she always capture the sparkle in my eyes???

 

**From: b_anderson@gmail.com  
To: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com**

correction: you are disturbing

 

**From: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com  
To: b_anderson@yahoo.com**

did i tell you about all the awesome gay sex i'm getting? it's a big world, baby brother. and I AM IN IT.

 

* * *

 

"Blaine?"

"What gay sex."

"What?"

"You can't just say you're getting-- are you gay? Are you coming out?"

"No?"

"You said you're getting gay sex! And something disturbing about being in the world, and--"

"Oh, that? Yeah, I mean, I'm not, though I've gotten several very flattering offers, don't get me wrong, there was this one guy with a chocolate cake and absolutely amazing-- are you okay?"

"...I don't know what okay is anymore."

"Anyway, no, I mean my character! My interpretation of Neal Caffrey's pseudo-sexual intimacy with his FBI handler has hit a chord with the viewing public, and now there are stories about me and Tim and _Jell-o!_ "

"Cooper! This has not gotten less disturbing!"

"I _love_ Jell-o!"

 

* * *

 

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

fanfiction is how you know you've touched the critical zeitgeist of a culture.

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

\--Meisner

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you made that up completely

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

like you aren't googling RIGHT NOW. :D:D:D

 

* * *

 

 **All That Jazz** (Peter/El, slight Peter/Neal, PG)  
Date night at the Burke house just got a lot more complicated. (warnings: hints of Peter/Neal, OT3)

 **if you only (just for tonight)** (Neal/Peter, pre-slash, PG)  
"Haven't you ever wanted to touch someone you shouldn't, just once?"

 **Bring It** (Neal/Peter, R)  
Neal may have been white collar before he went to prison, but he learned some things behind bars that will make a certain FBI agent wonder if something darker now hides behind the conman's eyes.

 **Butterflies!** (Peter/Neal, Neal/butterflies, PG-13)  
Puppy!Peter and Kitty!Neal. EVERYTHING IS BUTTERFLIES AND NOTHING HURTS.

 **on the edges of forever** (Peter/Neal, BDSM AU like-it-isn't-already-amirite, NC-17)  
"Did I say you could leave the perimeter?" Peter asked quietly; words he should never have had to say. Neal turned his head to the side, dropped his eyes -- just playing at the submissive he was supposed to be. Like always. But never again.

 **Knock Once for Art, Twice for Anal** (Neal/Peter/Dianna, NC-17)  
Too many beers and too little inhibition makes for a FBI-afterparty of epic proportions. (warnings: assplay, asphyxiation, light bondage, pegging, watersports, some mentions of crossdressing, voyeurism, handcuffs)

 **And Then They Fucked** (guess who, post-ep, NC-17)  
What it says on the tin.

 

* * *

 

"And congratulations to Blaine and his family for another excellent episode of White Collar!"

Everyone claps enthusiastically, which Blaine had been half expecting but it doesn't stop the experience from being really embarrassing. Mr. Schue, for one, looks at Blaine with a strange and troublesome longing. "Man," Schue says, hands on his hips, a glitter of oh-my-god _unshed tears_ in his eyes. "That's just so... yeah. Someday, Will," he whispers, "someday."

Santana and Brittany quickly step forward to provide Brad with the score for their duet, and Mr. Schue moves aside to wipe away a tear or something. Kurt turns to Blaine and murmurs, "Life is hard, and I support whatever aggressive female empowerment song choice you wish to make to demonstrate your distress with this ongoing Cooper situation."

Blaine flushes. "I, uh. May be getting more okay with the situation."

There are things in Blaine's browser history. Terrible, wonderful things.

Kurt raises his eyebrows. "So you're, what, okay with the show now?" There is only the barest of pauses before Kurt says, all in a rush, "Because it is an amazing show and Cooper's amazing and everyone wears fantastic clothing and the hats, oh my god _the hats_ \--"

"And then there's Neal and Peter," Blaine says, and Kurt says, "They are _so in love,_ " and Blaine says, "I know! And the thing with Kate is just--" and Kurt says, "Not even worth mentioning, though if we can just talk about El for a minute--" and Blaine says, "El is worth at least ten minutes, come on, you just _know_ that she's thinking about--" and Kurt says, "As if _everyone_ isn't thinking about--"

Rachel leans down between them and says, "Yes, we all are."

Blaine blinks. The choir room is silent, though Santana, at the front, has her arm around Brittany's waist and is smiling at him in a terrible way. "Your brother and his buddy cop," she says, enunciating every word, "are wanky."

"The characters are," Blaine says quickly. He looks at the rest of the group. They look back.

Mike Chang goes so far as to waggle his eyebrows, but he does it in a supportive way, so that's not so bad.

"It's okay, Blaine," Rachel says. "I've been doing some reading, and apparently an awkward attraction to siblings happens much more frequently and in a more sexually alluring fashion than I'd ever anticipated, particularly when there are handcuffs and adoption secrets and a mysterious Michelangelo painting that leads to revelations and also some nudity--"

"Oh my god, you've read that one?" The words are out of Blaine's mouth before he really even thinks them through, but on the other hand, Rachel Berry has totally read--

"The Night Garden?" Rachel sucks in a breath. " _You've_ read it?"

Blaine and Rachel stare at one another. It's a little like when Blaine stares at Kurt, or Rachel stares at Finn, except it's mostly like the way Neal and Peter look at one another in the middle of a big con just before they drop the act, take down the bad guy, and suggestively touch each other's biceps in a comforting manner to demonstrate their deeply suppressed but undeniable emotional connection.

This is basically a different kind of love.

Puck says, "There's reading now?"

 

* * *

 

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you are basically an awful person

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

I can't believe you got me to google that stuff

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you knew what I'd find

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

the people love me. with their ~~~~words.

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

you are disturbing on a number of levels

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

the passion of the audience reflects the passion of the actor especially in pornography. --Strasberg

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

why

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

did you find the archive of nothing but "Neal is a cat" stories?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

Tim called me Miss Kitty for days. then we added Pet Me Poppa to our off-camera musical repertoire and I started envisioning myself with cat ears to add extra dimension to my otherwise flawless characterization

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

cat ears

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

wait wait wait you read this stuff?

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

your COSTARS read this stuff?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

look into my eyes. i am pointing right at you. what i'm about to say may be life or death. listen closely.

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

\----------> WE TOTALLY DO

 

* * *

 

Things are starting to get out of hand.

Like, maybe Blaine should've paid more attention to Puck. This is the message he's getting when he comes into the computer class he shares with Puck and finds every crappy candy iMac from 2000 displaying the same YouTube video, the dulcet tones of Enrique Iglesias somehow coming perfectly synced out of thirty machines, all of them showing the same compilation of clips from White Collar that make it clear that the two main characters are, or should be, fucking like rabbits.

Puck is standing on a table over one of the monitors. He's lip-syncing. And also pointing, which Blaine feels is just adding insult to injury.

"You're so damn pretty, if I had a type, then, baby, it would be you," Puck mouths, and that's how Blaine finds out that Puck doesn't read the fic, but he hunts down the fanvids with the passion of a stalker and the taste of -- well, of Puck.

Puck rolls his hips and drops to his knees in time for Ludacris's rapped bridge, and the rest of the class turns into an impromptu musical performance that gets everyone involved a detention.

 

* * *

 

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

should I bring you a cake with a file in it?

**Blaine Anderson > Kurt Hummel:**

PUCK KEEPS HUMMING THE SONG

**Blaine Anderson > Kurt Hummel:**

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

I want you to know how much willpower it's taking for me to not quote lyrics at you

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

*so much willpower*

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

oh um so Artie

**Kurt Hummel > Blaine Anderson:**

did you know that he was on Cooper's mailing list?

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

whoa, baby brother, look who's got moves! have you seen the video yet? you and that puck kid have ~chemistry, you should harness that, that is a powerful emotion

**Blaine Anderson > Artie Abrams:**

>:(

**Artie Abrams > Blaine Anderson:**

8D

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

stop everything you're saying forever

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

i'm going to take these as notes, ok, and talk to Tim about it, see if we can incorporate some of that raw animal sexuality into our performance

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

and ok, a note for you, always remember: ~~~~no eye contact.

 

* * *

 

**From: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com  
To: b_anderson@yahoo.com**

i meant during acting, obvs, sex is different. sex is ~~always different. unless you're into that? keep an eye out for the kink memes, is what I'm saying, Tiffani says they're awesome.

 

* * *

 

shapeshifter!Neal, virgin!Peter, fuck or die pls thank you  
**FILL: The Unicorn's Horn**

marriage con! I want to see fake husbands, and I want them at a sex retreat!  
**FILL: Two to Tango**

I've always kind of thought that El ships Neal/Peter -- but how *much* does she ship it? m/m romance novelist AU, pretty please, where El has a best-selling series of gay romances that are based on what she wishes her boys were getting up to behind closed doors. Bonus points if they are? Bonus points if they aren't but are totally inspired? Bonus points for writing this basically, omg  
**FILL: Write Me Like One of Your French Girls (1/?)**

you know what would be hot? Neal/Peter get into some kind of magic snafu, end up in the "real" world, and meet Tim DeKay and Matt Bomer. _and then they have all the sex._  
**FILL: FreeCreditRatingToday.Com (1/?)**

Tim and Matt, fucking against the set pieces for an elaborate con while the rest of the crew is at lunch. Basically looking for ladder sex and witty conversation about meta characterization.  
**FILL: Ladder**

Matt's gay, but he knows Tim isn't. So why does Tim have his hand down Matt's pants?  
**FILL: Straight Above the Waist (1/2)**

rpf, please! Bomer-centric, with singing, and backstory, and stuff about his brother, and, idek, Ohio? maybe centered around the name change? bonus points for adolescent sexcapades that foreshadow future sexytiems with Tim or Tiffani. OR BOTH, both is good too, yes, excellent kthxbai  
**FILL: Blaine Can't Always Be Your Cover Story, Coop, Jesus, Get a Room**

 

* * *

 

**Blaine Anderson > Rachel Berry:**

omg fandom found me.

**Blaine Anderson > Rachel Berry:**

there's fic about *me*. I am *in fic*

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

Sweetie, I mean this in the nicest possible way and without any judgment whatsoever, but you should have realized that fandom found you after approximately episode three.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

There are over fifty fics tagged with your name on the AO3.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

I wrote one of them.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

It has ten kudos!

 

* * *

 

 

 

* * *

 

 **From: b_anderson@gmail.com**  
To: BigTimeCooper@yahoo.com  
Attachment: screenshot.png

Did you know about this?

 

* * *

 

"Listen, hey, hi -- so, no, I didn't."

"Hello to you too, and seriously? You seriously have been trolling the internet for random porn about yourself and didn't notice that your fans have been fetishizing me _and my boyfriend_ for the last two months."

"I'm very busy! I am a very busy person, with social media interfaces to update and acting to do and, sure, yeah, maybe Tim said something but I kind of thought he was talking about a story starring _me_ and Kurt. Which, by the way, based on his description, I was an awesome boyfriend in."

"I just -- I cannot even deal with this. This _always_ happens. Everything has to be about you, and then when I get dragged into it anyway, it's _still_ all about you."

"Blaine. That's not fair. What _is_ fair is that I'm an incredibly awesome actor on a dramedy that's doing extremely well in ratings, whereas you're just a kid in high school, so, you know, maybe you should've been keeping a better eye on things."

"A _better_ \--"

"By the way, the eye contact thing, seriously, I know that it looks like I'm making some in the show, but most of the time Tim isn't even on set when we're filming my reaction shots, and all the rest of the time I try to look at his mouth instead, which _actually_ is really helpful with my gay reading, so--"

 

* * *

 

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

i think your phone died???

 

* * *

 

The problem wasn't the fic, exactly. The problem was that it was _incorrect._ Kind of insultingly incorrect, actually, and it had his _actual real name_ attached to it. What was this going to do to his future job prospects? What about college? Was there any way to really explain that he wasn't, like, an underage porn star with incest issues?

Okay, maybe the fic itself was also a problem.

He flicked his fingers over his laptop's touchpad. The cursor hovered over and highlighted the other little issue that had revealed itself.

 _Kurt Hummel,_ the text said.

And then there was that.

Everything that Blaine had, Cooper had to have too. Had to have better, had to have first, had to have a part of, or had to have the last piece. Coop had even figured out a way to be sort of gay, which was not even close to being fair. But he couldn't have Kurt. That just wasn't-- there wasn't a way that could happen.

Technically, he didn't have Kurt. Kurt was a fan of the show, but the show was not Coop. Kurt was a fan of the character, but the character was also not Coop, because if nothing else, Neal Caffrey was about eight times less likely to point at someone randomly just to get a point across.

But there was fanfic about Coop, and now there was fanfic about Blaine and fanfic about Kurt and sometimes fanfic about Kurt and Blaine and Coop and just... he'd read the kink memes. He knew where this was heading. There was probably already an AO3 tag for it. Cooper/Kurt. No more Blaine.

It wasn't all the way there yet. But he could sense it coming. There was already enough out-of-character Blaine/Kurt fic out there to make it possible. What was one more little change to reality? And there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Blaine sat in front of his computer and narrowed his eyes at the latest batch of recommendations on "fuck yeah show choir boys" dot Tumblr dot com.

 

* * *

 

 **doyourficresearch** replied to your post: _new fic!: Sing It Like You Mean It (Blaine Anderson/Kurt Humm..._  
Do your research: Kurt Hummel is a countertenor, not a baritone. See  this youtube video of his performance at the 2010 Ohio show choir sectionals. || Additionally, please note that Blaine Anderson has never been seen in any published photo or video with his hair ungelled. It is out of character for him to be in any public setting with unmanaged hair. Also it's the opposite of "pleasantly curled," think about why anyone would have to use that much hair product.

 

 **doyourficresearch** replied to your post: _update to the 'Matt singing' fic: Blaine hit the metronome,..._  
Do your research: There is  no public record of Cooper Anderson legally changing his name, let alone when he was in high school. Blaine Anderson is actually his brother, not his adopted cousin. And Blaine Anderson does not actually spend all his time mooning over his brother's "immense talent," particularly if you're referring to his acting skills.

 

 **doyourficresearch** replied to your post: _Kurt CoBlaine!!: guys what if cOOPER SET UP BLAINE & KURT OMG..._  
Do your research: Please cite any evidence you may have to support your claim. Otherwise, please repost and tag as out of character alternate-universe fic.

 

 **doyourficresearch** replied to your post: _is Matt gay? does it matter? can we contextualize his portra..._  
Do your research: Matt Bomer/Cooper Anderson is not gay (see  this interview for direct confirmation). Blaine Anderson's sexuality is not an indicator of Cooper Anderson's, and it's offensive for you to suggest it. And pursuant to the fic you go on to recommend, please consider that in light of his appearance on Letterman, it seems very out of character for Coop to give serious declarations of love to Tim without, like, pausing halfway through to ask if everyone in the room was embodying the moment with their whole emotional truth.

 

* * *

 

 **littlelionblurt ** says: your one of the reasons why the blaine/kurt pairing isn't as popular as matt/tim, stfu ok

 

> Good.
> 
> *you're
> 
>  

_Anonymous_ says: I represent Matt Bomer's acting management and we would like you to cease and desist your negative reaction to Mr. Bomer's fandom.

 

> I respectfully decline.

 

 _Anonymous_ says: blurt 4evrrr!!!!

 

> While the sentiment is no doubt sincere, these are private citizens we're talking about. Let's have some respect.
> 
>  

_Anonymous_ says: Part of the actor's job of imagining the world could include seeing a brother and his boyfriend, if it helps realize the truth of the vision for the audience. --Adler

 

> Stop googling yourself.
> 
>  

_Anonymous_ says: So your argument is that there's no way a respectful fic can be written about these private citizens?

 

> Yes. We don't know anything about them outside of what's publicly available, and so most of it has to be guesswork. Then that guesswork gets attached to their real names, and there's no way to correct that in the real world. There's no winning scenario. People can get hurt.

 

 **berrystar ** says: I still love you, even when you're cranky!

 

> How do you keep finding me?

 

 _Anonymous_ says: Same anon as before. But why does there have to be any responsibility on the fic writer's part? It's because we don't know anything about them that we can use them as characters, isn't it? Then they become archetypes, fulfilling the narrative roles required of the story.

 _Anonymous_ says: Different anon. Fuck you, "no winning scenario". It's because of the Blurt fandom that I finally told my mom that I'm gay.

 _Anonymous_ says: I bet I could write a respectful Blurt story. IN THEIR PANTS.

 _Anonymous_ says: your point is your point, dude, and you're welcome to it, but you're harshing the mellow. should there be more research? sure, that'd be nice. but there's also no such thing as a fake geek girl, so maybe we should let people enjoy stuff the way they want to enjoy it. and in this day and age, I think the fears about connecting real names to porny fic are kinda overblown. if you think your real name isn't already a sexual position defined on 4chan, you just aren't looking hard enough.

 **whambam-thankyouBlaineBomer ** says: METHINKS THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH

 

* * *

 

Blaine and his pillow are very close. They share an emotional bond. At the moment, they share air space. He thinks that maybe, with enough effort, he can stuff it far enough into his face that Kurt won't be able to remove it without a pair of scissors and some serious tweezing. He's not absolutely sure; he'll have to try and find out.

"So," Kurt says, dragging out the word, "let me get this straight. You got all riled up because people on the internet thought we were pretty, and decided to write porn about us."

"Terrible porn," Blaine says mournfully into the pillow. Kurt pats him.

"Uh huh. And then you started a blog to specifically tell all these people they were wrong. On the internet."

Blaine makes a sound that would, without the pillow, probably be a 'yes'.

"And now people on the internet are being mean to you, which, by the way, you started, and you're trying to smother yourself to death to avoid having to answer any of them."

Blaine lifts the pillow and glares at Kurt. "I don't have to answer them. It's the internet. That's the _point_ of the internet."

Kurt raises his eyebrows. "Which is why you're happily at your computer finding more Blurt and KurtCoBlaine fics to suck the joy out of, instead of on your bed with guilt weighing down your unfortunate polyester-stuffed pillows."

"It's not polyester," Blaine says, lifting the pillow completely and tossing it at Kurt's head. Kurt opts for flailing instead of ducking. The flailing works better than it should -- Blaine gets an eyeful of pillow back again. "Ow," Blaine says, rubbing at his eye resentfully, the Kurt frowns at him.

"Poor baby," Kurt says. He sounds a lot less consoling now, which is probably also Blaine's fault. "What's the problem, anyway? Cooper's getting thousands of stories written about him, and it doesn't seem to be bothering him. For that matter, I'm the other half of this little smoosh-name and I notice you didn't bother asking _me_ if I wanted to be part of your vengeance scheme. Which I don't, by the way."

"Why not?" Blaine says, turning the question back again. "It's _porn_. About _you_."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Rachel told me about them, like, a month ago. I thought she'd told you too, but she wanted me to betaread for her so-- whatever. What matters is, yes, it did freak me out, and I did feel a little bit like I was someone's invisible blow-up doll when I heard about it. But..." Kurt's hands sketch something in the air that Blaine can't quite picture. It's frustrating. "I don't know. There are dozens of Kurt Hummels in the United States, so the name isn't exactly original. And if fantasizing over a picture is a problem, then I probably need to send some letters of apology to the last thirty years' worth of Tony Award winners. And... it just doesn't seem to be really about me. Or us. You know? There are a lot of stories out there. Just because our names are on them doesn't mean they're _ours_. "

"Well," Blaine says, thrusting the pillow back behind himself, "it's clearly not bothering _you_ , then. But I guess you're not the one who has to worry about his boyfriend and his brother and what people think and--"

" _Seriously?_ Are you seriously suggesting that the problem here isn't actually about us and the porn but about-- this is about me and _Cooper?"_ Kurt says. He stares at Blaine. Whatever he sees on Blaine's face apparently answers his question, because his expression hardens. "I can't believe this is a reality where you actually think fiction has any relevance on who I'm dating. And I _really_ can't believe you're keeping tabs on some imaginary sibling rivalry score board whether you or your brother gets more of my fictional attention, except, oh, hey! Turns out you totally are."

Oh, fuck. "No, what, that's not it at all--"

Kurt climbs off the bed and stalks from the room, and the argument goes downhill from there.

 

* * *

 

It doesn't help that by the time he gets back to his room, stupid Coop is stupidly staring with heartfelt longing at his stupid costar on the stupid television, because the reason Kurt was over in the first place was so they could watch the second-to-last _stupid_ episode together.

"Just remember how it felt when you saw that girl in her father's arms," Tim DeKay's character, Peter, is saying to Coop. They're standing in the glass-fronted FBI office, facing off. Or Peter is, anyway. Coop -- Neal, really, since he's actually in-character -- just looks shocked. "Moments like that are rare," Peter continues. "But if you try to steal the music box, I will catch you."

"Is that a threat?" Neal says, his voice wavering. Or maybe Blaine just thinks it does. Because he knows Coop. Or he knows himself, and that's who Cooper's mimicking.

Peter's expression doesn't waver. "Just the way it is," he says. He picks up his coat and goes to leave, but stops in the doorway. "You know," Peter says, soft and sincere and angry, "you can either go back to wearing an orange jumpsuit and pining for the girl that got away -- or you can stay here and do something good with your life." Peter's mouth tightens, but he doesn't look away. "Your choice."

He leaves, pulling his coat on and not looking back, and Neal watches him with his heart in his eyes.

Blaine turns off the TV before the credits roll.

 

* * *

 

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

I hate the fic with me in it. and you. and Kurt.

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

i <3 art baby bro. it's all love.

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

the blurt stuff bugs me. a lot. but it doesn't bug Kurt.

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

he's mad at me

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

omg advice. ok. let me tell you what peter told neal one time about el, but we had to cut it for time

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

Of course I love her, you idiot. She knows that. Using words isn't the only way we say it.

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

...that makes absolutely no sense in this situation

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

~~or does it

**Blaine Anderson > Cooper Anderson:**

it doesn't

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

~~~~yes it does

 

* * *

 

**Blaine Anderson > Rachel Berry:**

do you think I was over the top with the "do your fic research" tumblr?

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

Yes, completely.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

But you were fragile! You probably regret your choices now.

**Blaine Anderson > Rachel Berry:**

not really? but kurt's mad.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

Well, obviously he is. You decided to go on a one-man crusade that he would legitimately have a say in, without asking his opinion on the matter, or really unpacking whether your issue was about the subject matter of the fiction or your own tumultuous relationship with your brother.

**Blaine Anderson > Rachel Berry:**

oh my god, have you been talking to kurt about this?

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

No, but there's a new community on Tumblr with some meta on the theory.

**Rachel Berry > Blaine Anderson:**

I'm co-moderator!

 

* * *

 

**~*~Blurt It on Out~*~**

_About_  
This is a community for Blurters who are tired of the oppression of certain corners of fandom that think you need to have perfect factual accuracy in order to tell quality stories. Sure, we're looking for canon-compliant stories BUT will also post fic that fits within the spirit of the Blurt pairing. I ( **funnybrice** ) will be the primary mod. See the FAQ for the level of accuracy we want to see around here, and for submission instructions. We also accept meta and, of course, non-invasive canon Blurt information. Thank you, and Blurt it on out!

 _Examples_  
**I and Love and You** by berrystar  
**With Nothing but Your Sorrys** by gimmeblurt  
**Facilis Descensus Averno** by applez  
**Freedom Is Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose** by ElizaBomer  
**Since the Stars Went Out in Lima** by watson125ed

**\--**

**New Fic! Gaslighting, 1/1, drabble, by funnybrice**  
_(Read more...)_

ETA: Sorry, guys, wrong comm! Just wrote this for fun. Skip unless you want to see something really OOC! I wonder if  **doyourficresearch ** will find it...

 

* * *

 

_excerpt from **Gaslighting** :_

..."Who would have ever thought that we'd end up as unicorns?" Pony-Kurt said as he trotted his way along the crystal paths of McKinley High Time-Travelling Creature Academy.

"Not me," said Pony-Blaine. He stopped to nibble some peppermint grass, but looked up when the Magic Glitter Horn of Music began to sing its sweet song from the mists of the choir room. "Listen! It's Roxy Music." Pony-Blaine looked softly at Pony-Kurt. "I just want to give Bryan Ferry a high five when I hear it, you know? Or I would if I still had hands, anyway."

Pony-Kurt's ears flattened, and he reared back in a magnificent pose against the glittering opal facade of the Academy's tennis court. "You like experimental glam? You're not my Blaine!" He crashed forward again, his golden hooves digging into the ground between them. With dawning horror he stared around himself at the rainbow-tinted bubble domes of Limania, the warrior cats that sat on columns like noble watchmen over the Twix-scented gardens, the herds of unicorn show-choir performers laying aside their weapons to embrace and make out with the rival Cereal Leaders. It all seemed so normal... but it couldn't be.

"If this Blaine isn't exactly as I remember him," he said, backing away from the imposter, "that must mean none of this is real. It's an illusion. A trick!" He wheeled around and, without a further word, galloped from the Academy's grounds, intent on finding, somewhere out there, the real Pony-Blaine Bomer. OR MAYBE GO MAKE OUT WITH COOPER, MASTER OF THE WHEEL OF TIME, BECAUSE WHY NOT.

The wind picked up...

 

* * *

 

"Hello, Hummel residence."

"I... think I'm looking for Pony-Kurt."

"Oh, really? Weird. Good luck with that. You might want to check New York, he might have galloped his way over there by now."

"Look, I'm sorry--"

"Why should you be sorry? You've got nothing to be sorry about. You just _implied_ that you think that a story somebody _made up_ is going to make me fall into bed with your brother. Or is it that somehow people imagining it was just as bad as it really happening? I wasn't sure, it was hard for me to really wrap my head around the _totally insane_."

"I don't know! I just-- I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to say that I thought you would actually do that or anything. I don't think you'd ever do that."

"That's not the point. It's _fiction,_ Blaine. I'm pretty sure someone could write an epic three-way masterpiece of love and redemption set against the French revolution that would make us want to live in a cold shower for weeks afterward, and I still would never, ever want to actually date your brother."

"...That was a really specific example."

"Rachel wanted me to lay some groundwork. But are you understanding any of this?"

"Yeah, I mean, yes, I know, I always knew, I just. I just wish that-- why does he always get what I have, Kurt? Why does everything I have, have to belong to him too?"

"Flattering as I imagine you're trying to make that... I'm not a possession. I get to choose who I'm with, Blaine Anderson. And at the end of the day, all that really matters is that I'm choosing _you._ So it's up to you to decide if you're going to let the fans dictate your choices, your happiness, and your love life, or if you're going to do the sensible thing and sit back, enjoy the ride, and take notes."

"Oh, god, Kurt, I love you. Of course I choose you. Fuck the fans. I'm so sorry for being an idiot."

"I love you, too. And I probably should've said all this instead of leaving yesterday. It didn't really help anything, so I'm sorry, too."

"You're amazing, Kurt. I'm so happy to have you in my... my..."

"Blaine?

"Sorry, I'm sorry -- when you were talking before, did you -- did you say something about-- _notes?"_

"Hm? What?"

"You said sit back, enjoy the ride, take notes."

"Did I?"

"You did."

"Huh. Well, that's funny. Because it _kind_ of makes it sound like I've been keeping notes in the margins of my Marc Jacobs _Black Book of Colors_ about the really interesting things I've read in some of the fics Rachel keeps sending me."

"Things that, um. Could be tested?"

"Well, definitely reviewed, I think. In fact, if you want, you could come over--"

"You have to imagine that I'm pointing at you right now, because the answer is most definitely _yes_."

 

* * *

 

**Brittany S. Pierce > Kurt Hummel:**

we should write more together unicorns united

**Brittany S. Pierce > Kurt Hummel:**

lord tubbington wants coauthor billing

 

* * *

 

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

guess who just landed a second season, baby brother!!

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

White Collar!!!!

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

cmon you have to high five me on this, i think i've finally made it, michael bay WISHES he had me now

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

r u there???

**Cooper Anderson > Blaine Anderson:**

i'll just keep calling until you answer, k?  


 

end

**Author's Note:**

> All fic titles, summaries, prompts, commentaries, meta, author names, and Tumblr communities were made up for the purposes of this story, and were not meant in any way to represent any currently existing entity. Exceptions to this are: The excellent fanvid referenced by Puck, talitha78's "Tonight (I'm Fucking You"), which of course everyone should watch immediately; the press release and the blog article, which are slightly edited for the story but are otherwise quoted exactly; the screen cap, which I created out of thumbnails commonly available on Google Search. Several of the thumbnails are of fanworks -- if you either see your fanwork there, and wish for it to be removed, or if you see a fanwork you like and would like to know the origin of it so you can give props to the creator, please don't hesitate to contact me.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Full-Cast Podfic of] Mixed Media](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2541734) by [Alexeidarling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexeidarling/pseuds/Alexeidarling), [argentumlupine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumlupine/pseuds/argentumlupine), [croissantkatie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/croissantkatie/pseuds/croissantkatie), [FumblesMcStupid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FumblesMcStupid/pseuds/FumblesMcStupid), [JinkyO](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinkyO/pseuds/JinkyO), [klb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klb/pseuds/klb), [lurkdusoleil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lurkdusoleil/pseuds/lurkdusoleil), [marsmaywander](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsmaywander/pseuds/marsmaywander), [nadiacreek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadiacreek/pseuds/nadiacreek), [Nielrian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nielrian/pseuds/Nielrian), [originally reads (originally)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/originally/pseuds/originally%20reads), [Pandor4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandor4/pseuds/Pandor4), [pene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pene/pseuds/pene), [ProfessorSpork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfessorSpork/pseuds/ProfessorSpork), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins), [theshriek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshriek/pseuds/theshriek)




End file.
